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Recently, I was sent a list of questions from a magazine that was presenting an article on the topic of jealousy. Answering those questions got me thinking about the toll jealousy can take on our hearts and psyches. It's a terrible emotion to experience and one we often think we have no control over. We can become consumed in thinking someone is taking something from us... or that others got something we wanted and they are not as deserving as we are.
Jealousy can show up in the strangest of places, and you have to be on your guard to not let it run your day...or your life. One of the most common places where jealousy can erupt ...is in relationships.
What is jealousy about?
People get jealous when they are insecure, frightened, have poor self esteem, and especially when they lack confidence.
(However...don't mistake jealousy for being upset with your lover for acting inappropriately or having poor boundaries with others...or, deceiving you, lying to you about it, and insisting that you're just making stuff up. In those situations, your alarms are going to go off until it is worked through...and you need to be brave enough to find out the truth and make the necessary changes.)
Do you think it’s wrong to get jealous?
Experiencing jealousy is not necessarily "wrong" but rather a symptom...a red flag...that you are feeling insecure. You need to pay attention to what it's about. Consider these questions:
1. What is it that you sense you are about to "lose"? Can you grow yourself big enough to allow it to shift...or to become something different...and know that you can still make your life glorious?
2. What is it you need to give yourself more of so that this incident would not be perceived as a loss?
3. What have you been doing with your life that makes you feel unworthy?
4. What do you need to forgive yourself for?
5. What step can you take today toward one of your goals?
You are more in control of how you feel than you realize. Make a list of your achievements and the things you are proud of. Focus on what you have accomplished...and what you want to do.
How can you avoid jealousy?
Become the person you can be proud of. Your self worth and confidence are based on accomplishment, achievement, and contribution...with a good dose of forgiveness.
What are some good tips to get over your ex?
The only way to get over anything is to develop a life you love. And don't look to someone else to do it for you. That's your job...and ultimately, your reward. When your life is fabulous, you won't want anyone hanging around who isn't wonderful to be with and who treats you with love and regard.
Marrying the Wrong Person
Are you in a relationship that sometimes leaves you wondering… should I stay in it? Do you think you might be a candidate for marrying the wrong person? I talk to lots of people who stay in a relationship that isn’t working for them. They have some sad reasons that keep them there. Here are some thoughts that are often shared that may be lingering in your subconscious:
* I would break up if I had the nerve to do it.
* If I don’t marry this person…I’ll wind up never getting married.
* I’m getting older…so no one is going to want me.
* If I don’t marry this person, someone else will… and then I’ll be sorry or jealous or both.
* I’ve said things and done things with this person that I can’t take back…so I’m obligated to get married, even though I have my doubts about whether I really want to.
* Marriage will solve most of the problems we have.
* If I left this person… what would people think? (My mother, my father, my friends, the community?)
* I would get out of this…but I have nowhere to go, and no one to go to.
If you recognize any of these thoughts, your life and your relationship are not going to get any better after marriage. All of the above areas are red flags of what isn’t working…and what you need to do for yourself.
The first step would be to get serious about building your confidence. Do you have: work and a career you are proud of? Good solid friends who are accomplished and have a “life”? Things to do that are really fun and absorbing? A philosophy or spirituality that takes you above a one-dimensional life?
When you have earned confidence and self-respect, you are looking at all decisions through a different lens. Then, you are less likely … to marry the wrong person.